Divorce is difficult at the ‘best’ of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying.

What happens if the decision is one sided? What happens to the party who can sometimes feel blind-sided by one person’s decision that they no longer want to be a part of this union?

Been there, done that. Only I wasn’t the one who made the decision to leave the relationship. It was my ex-husband’s decision. Okay, I helped him make the actual decision to leave (he didn’t have much choice), but the result was the same. Feelings of “what’s wrong with me?” are abundant.

So here are some things that will help you to get your self esteem back after a divorce:

1. Talk to someone.

The first step to resolving those feelings is to talk to someone. Bend a familiar ear…be it biased or unbiased. Whether it’s to a trusted friend, or to a counselor, getting it out verbally is a great start to regaining your sense of self.

2. Be Honest.

If you decide that you’re going to seek help from a counselor, make sure that you tell the entire truth about what you’re feeling. Be as honest as you possibly can. How can a counselor do his/her job properly, if you’re not completely honest?
Regardless of what you tell a counselor, he/she is not there to judge you, merely to listen and to offer some constructive unbiased advice if necessar. Not criticism, just advice.

3. Keep a Journal.

Writing down what’s going on in your head is also helpful, weather you choose to do that via paper journal, or online journal, both are helpful. I find that using an online journal is much easier, as I don’t write nearly as quickly as I type.

4. Get to know yourself again.

It’s typical to lose oneself during the course of a relationship. I know I did! So after my divorce, I took some time to get to know “Me” all over again. Do whatever it is that you love to do! If you enjoyed snowboarding before you were married, get back to it! If you enjoyed knitting, put aside some time to do that. Read some good books, enjoy spending time with new friends, go away for the weekend, go and be you!

5. Don’t let those negative feelings back in.

Once you’ve written down feelings that aren’t positive (”I hate him/her. I can’t believe that he/she did this to me.”) in a journal of some type, you’ll notice that if you go back and re-read those bad feelings (and we all do it at least once), you’re mentally and emotionally back in that place all over again. Re-reading the ugly details of my divorce for instance, used to put me in that mood all over again (I’ve since tossed that journal). So my advice with regard to writing down negative feelings, is to write them down, then discard them. Tear them up, burn them, whatever it takes, but don’t let those negative thoughts back in.

6. Meet some new people.

When couples divorce, there may be a feeling amongst some of the friends of that couple who feel as though there is a need to take sides. You may find that you will need to meet new people, and take a step back from that even for a short time. Get yourself some friends that you and your ex don’t have in common. My ex and I used to work in the same industry, and as a result, we shared a lot of the same business colleagues. So as soon as our relationship ended, I started my own business doing something that wasn’t related in any way, shape or form to what he does for a living. I feel like a zillion bucks .

7. Find new interests.

The next step to rebuilding your sense of self-esteem would be to find some new interests. Find something that makes you feel good/better about yourself. Kickboxing. Kickboxing is an amazing way to get rid of certain frustrations, AND introduces you to a new sport (I brought a picture of my ex to my kickboxing class, and taped it to the heavy bag.). If you enjoy being outdoors, you might consider joining a running club, a rowing club, or anything else that allows you to be outdoors while meeting new people.

8. Make peace with yourself.

Understand that what happened, for whatever reason that it happened, is done. Over. Let it go. Move on. Whatever kind of bitterness that may have existed when he/she left, is going to have to get lost or it will get in the way of your true progress. I know. I did it. Get past it. How do you ‘get past it’? By doing these nine steps.

9. Accept the fact that things happen.

No doubt about it. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. Stuff happens more often than it doesn’t. Nothing we can do about it. Can’t control it. Can’t keep it from happening. Accept it. You’ll feel better for it.

Debbie Burgin has been divorced for 5 years. She discovered upon the exit of her ex-husband, that her divorce was actually for the best. She’s discovered that post-divorce, she and her children are happier, and more relaxed in their lives. She runs two of her own businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, and counsels other divorced women to “get out there, and live life!”

Have you noticed how men, as in male, have a tendency to make a mouthful of what seems to the unhampered mind so simple?

Take marriage for example. There was a time, around the 1200’s or thereabouts, that couples could get married simple by stating the fact that they wished to become husband and wife.

Then men, who have such a thing about debating, especially the finer points of a word, decided that they needed a definition of what a marriage is, how one can recognize one when one sees it, and how to ensure that it is what it says it is.

Being men, they worried the problem for centuries, happy with one definition for a while, only to decide the definition needed to be amended to make it even less clear, but certainly more complex.

At one stage marriage needed four conditions to make it acceptable. The partners had to be of equal and free rank and must give their consent. This was in the day that property was involved and you didn’t want your daughter to squander her goods on a nobody.

Secondly the bride had to be given by her father. A fathers, of course, was next to God in those days and his consent to a marriage was as necessary as hers. The groom also with some say in the matter, not wanting to end up with a poor bride, insisted on a dowry to go with his bride’s charms.

Thirdly, the marriage was not to be entered into secretly. It had to be made public.

And fourthly, the union was only deemed completed when sexual consummation took place.

Interestingly enough, the first three requirements go right back to the early Romans who were ever the law givers. The fourth requirement comes from the practical people of Germany.

Over the centuries the Church, the Government, and the people themselves, would argue about what was really important in the union of a man and a woman. And over the years requirments have changed.

In most countries parental consent is no longer an issue, as neither is the dowry.

Couples are also given the right to marry as low or as high as they want to or are able to. And how public or secret they make their wedding ceremony, is wholly up to them.

I don’t think consummation has ever been much of a problem, but if it is, it only becomes an issue if one of the partners make a formal complaint. Otherwise, no one needs to know.

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant authorised to perform marriages in Australia. She also perform general ceremonies such as Baby Naming, Renewal of Vows and Commitment Ceremonies. To learn more about her as a celebrant and an author visit vlady at http://www.weddings-celebrant.com

Few modern weddings manage to avoid the ritual of wedding
favors. Traditionally, wedding favors are usually placed on the
table, in front of every guest, although this idea seems to have
diminished, in recent years. Choices of Wedding Favors
Trying to select a small gift that is going to appeal to the
entire wedding party is tricky, to say the least. Arguably it is
impossible! However, there are ways to avoid giving
inappropriate wedding favors, while also keeping the budget in
check. Why not simply create a selection of sweets and
chocolates that can be placed in the center of the table for all
to pick at. This is a great way of allowing people to choose
their own gifts, without having to worry about issues of taste.
With a small, intimate party, it is actually possible to
select gifts, individually. This is only really possible when
the party is very small; normally a maximum of thirty is
appropriate for these types of wedding favors. If you take this
approach, be certain that position the wedding favors correctly
and inline with the table settings or you might just find that
your carefully selected wedding favors end up in the wrong
hands! Edibles are always a good choice when it comes to
wedding favors as many people are getting quite hungry after the
ceremony and photographs. Sugared almonds are considered to be
the traditional wedding favors. However, the fact of the matter
is that not many people actually enjoy sugared almonds, so it
may be better to consider an alternative. Why not use chocolates
or sweets instead? If you are in a warm climate chocolates will
need to be stored in a refrigerator until the last minute, so
make sure that you have this facility. Alternatives to Wedding
Favors Moving away from the more traditional types of wedding
favors, you may wish to consider a more modern and innovative
approach. By daring to be different, not only can you save
yourself some money, but you are also more likely to make a
lasting impression on your guests. Some different ideas for
wedding favors include a lottery card each, but think about how
you would react if someone wins big-time on the ticket that you
have bought! If this thought does not appeal, then consider
having a raffle where everyone is given a ticket and there is a
range of prizes available. Another great idea could be to
place a bowl of goodies such as chocolates sweets and alcohol
miniatures, in the center of the table, allowing a bit of
potluck for the guests. If you have a bit more time on your
hands, you could wrap the wedding favors up and allow guests to
select their own and take a chance on the outcome. One of the
key things to remember with wedding favors is that you want to
generate discussion. When guests arrive at a wedding reception,
they are often slightly shy or timid and having a game involving
wedding favors will do wonders to break the ice!